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Difficult Questions about Chanukah
A charedi father tries to explain Chanukah to his son
This has been going around, and aside from being very funny, it reveals the ridiculousness of a popular perspective:
Q. Tattie, how did we defeat the Yevanim?
A. With Hashem’s help!
Q. So why did we need the Maccabim?
A. They were just soldiers, Hashem helped them and Baruch Hashem we won.
Q. The Maccabim were soldiers?!
A. Yes, they were soldiers in the army of Hashem.
Q. So they were Chabdniks?
A. No, no! Chas v'shalom! They were yeshivish.
Q. Did Yehuda Hamaccabi fight? With a weapon?
Q. So Yehuda Hamacabi was a goy or not religious?
A. Chas v'shalom, why would you think he was a goy or not religious?
Q. Because only goyim or non-religious Jews go to the army.
A. No, no, in the past religious people also went to the army.
Q. So why did the Maccabim go to the army and we don't?
A. Because today our Torah protects us.
Q. And then their Torah didn't protect them?
A. I think it’s time for you to go learn with Moishie.
Q. Did the Maccabim learn Torah?
A. Of course! They learned Torah all the time!
Q. They didn't work for a living?
A. Chas v'shalom!
Q. So how did they have money?
A. Well they worked a very little teeny bit.
Q. Off the books in secret like Uncle Yanky?
Q. So what did Mattisyahu do?
A. He was a farmer.
Q. So how did he work in the fields with his white shirt?
A. How do you know he wore a white shirt?
Q. Moishie told me that a real Jew only wears white shirts.
A. You spend too much time with Moishie, but he is right.
Q. What did the Maccabim want?
A. They wanted an independent Jewish state that they would run.
Q. Is this what we want?
A. That is something that Zionists want.
Q. Tattie, I want to be a soldier, a farmer and a Zionist!
A. Gevalt!!! What happened to you?!
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