The Spy Who Came In From The Kollel

When charedi yeshiva students commit espionage

While Israel’s progress in recruiting charedi yeshiva students for the war has been much poorer than the government promised, other countries are being surprisingly successful. News broke today that a 20-year-old American yeshiva bachur learning in Mir was arrested on the charge of spying for Iran.

Now, it must be acknowledged that this is not only a charedi phenomenon. Over the past few years, dozens of Israelis been arrested for spying for Iran, and they weren’t all charedi (though I’m pretty sure none of them were dati-leumi). Some people don’t particularly care about national loyalty/security and/or succumb to the temptation of the money that the Iranians are offering.

Still, this is not the first charedi person to be arrested. And while charedim are on social media less and thus it’s more difficult to reach them, there would also appear to be several reasons why it may be easier for Iran to recruit charedim.

First is that they are more likely to be naive about falling into a trap. Second is that they are generally more desperate for money - as Chazal said, “Any Torah that is not accompanied by work, will end in neglect [of Torah] and will lead to sin,” and “One who fails to teach his son how to earn a living has taught him to steal.” And third is that charedim are progressively becoming ever more disloyal to the State.

Unlike two generations ago, when charedi leaders understood the blessings that the State brought and were grateful for it, today’s leadership has no such historical awareness. R. Dov Landau blamed the State for all the Arab attacks on Jews, implying that it would be better had the State not come into existence. Already a decade ago the charedi leadership were describing state officials as Amalek, and it’s only gotten worse. Anti-Zionist rhetoric that was formerly only found with Neturei Karta is now common among mainstream charedim. In such an environment, it’s naturally even easier to recruit spies. You don’t have to charedi to be treasonous to Israel, but it helps.

Anyway, although this is a very tragic and serious matter, it’s also an opportunity for some great humor to take off the edge during this dark period. It occurred to me that this story creates potential for lots of movie spin-offs, along the lines of James Bond, except that he’s yeshivish and he’s the bad guy. Some friends helped me put together a list of potential films in the series:

• Dr Nu

• From Lakewood With Love

• Geltfinger

• Shtenderball (or: Thunderbracha)

• You Only Lein Twice

• Sheitels Are Forever (or: Diamonds Are Finagled)

• Never Say A Neder Again

• On His Mashgiach’s Secret Service

• Live and Let Shteig

• The Man With The Golden Chosson Watch

• The Spy Who Learned With Me (featuring the song “Nobody Davvens Better”)

• Moonprayer (or: KiddushLevanaRaker)

• For Your Eidim Only

• A View To A Kvetch

• Licence to Evade

• GoldenOy

• The Rebbe Never Dies

• The Deferment Is Not Enough

• Shteig Another Day

• Shtieble Royale

• Quantum of Slichos

• Shreifall (or: Kanievskyfall)

• Rav Yitzchok Elchonon S.P.E.C.T.R.E.

• No Time To Davven

…and then there’s all the similar series, like The Brisk Identity and Mishnah: Impossible. The possibilities are endless!

(On a slightly more serious note - if you are flying to Israel from the US and can bring a Noah’s Ark, not life-size, please be in touch)