Half a Century, Two Midlife Crises

The Challenges and Triumphs of a "Confirmed Apikores"

Today is my fiftieth birthday. Apparently this is when I’m supposed to have a midlife crisis. But I’ve already had my midlife crisis. Two, in fact, if we’re going to be liberal with the definition, though neither is the conventional kind.

My first was twenty-one years ago, just over midway through my life so far. This was when my books were notoriously banned as being heretical by 24 of the “Gedolim” of the charedi world. Up until that point, I thought that the charedi world represented traditional normative Judaism, and the Gedolim were wise leaders that we were duty-bound to obey. Then all of a sudden they were declaring me public enemy number one! Fortunately, I got through that episode, and I eventually realized that charedi Judaism is anything but traditional and normative, along with it being theologically, intellectually, and eventually morally bankrupt. The entire episode, and the subsequent transition to a new religious worldview and community, was challenging; I’m very glad to have done it, but I’m also glad that it’s long behind me.

My second midlife crisis was immediately after the war broke out. The horror of what happened, along with the realization of how things in Israel will never be the same again - especially with regard to IDF service - made me question how my living in this country was going to impact my childrens’ lives. It also meant that my decision to leave the charedi world, and consequently to raise my children to do army service, was suddenly bringing with it an enormous amount of difficult consequences. It took a lot of working through the issues, intellectually and emotionally, before I gained a measure of peace with the way in which my family leads its life, if not with the future.

But what about the the typical type of midlife crisis, which is about questioning one’s accomplishments in life? This week someone assured me that the reason why I criticize the charedi community (due to which, he declared, I am headed for hell, along with being a “confirmed apikores”) is that I am insecure about my own accomplishments in life. He followed it up by claiming that his sons in yeshivah are not only contributing more to the country’s safety than my son in the IDF, but are also working harder! Then he insisted that deep down I do not believe in the value of IDF service either, because if I did, it wouldn’t bother me that charedim don’t serve. I responded that I am happy and very proud of my kids for serving, I just don’t want them to have to leave their jobs and families to do 70 days of reserve duty every year until they are 45 because charedim refuse to help share responsibility!

While I grapple with a variety of challenges, insecurity about my life’s accomplishments is not one of them. I am very proud of my three life projects. First, my wonderful family; while my amazing wife deserves the vast majority of the credit for our children, I like to think that I made some sort of contribution at some point. Second, my writings on this website and in my books (with the exception of my early books containing mystical and charedi apologetics, of which I am deeply embarrassed). And third, the Biblical Museum of Natural History, which regularly receives five-star ratings and has hosted nearly a quarter of a million visitors to date.

If you feel inclined to do something in honor of my 50th birthday, and/or out of appreciation for my writings, it would be greatly appreciated if you could help with a specific project that relates to both the IDF and the museum. We know how difficult a situation the families of reservists are in, and we’ve seen how therapeutic museum visits are. And so we decided to make a special day at the museum for those families, with subsidized admission and additional fun activities.

A generous donor made this possible, and hundreds of people will be attending the event next week. But we’ve already maxed out the number of people we can host for this event, and we are still receiving many more requests! So we would like to be able to provide an additional program on the following day. You can help make this happen by donating at this link (or email Ellen at advancement@BiblicalNaturalHistory.org). Thank you!