Saturday, January 9, 2016

The Rebbe is Coming! Miracles and Yeshuos!

What do you think of this advertisement?

One of the Slifka Rebbe's mentors
Rav Nosson Nota of Slifka, shlita, the holy "Slifka Rebbe," is coming to New York!
Many of the Gedolei Torah have read Rav Nosson Nota's seforim, which they consider to have tremendously significant impact. It was said regarding Rav Nosson Nota by Rav Elyashiv ztz"l that "he could be one of the lamed vav tzaddikim!"
Among the many wondrous stories surrounding Rav Nosson Nota:
- A woman had been single for 24 years. She met Rav Nosson Nota, and within six weeks she was engaged!
- A man once spoke motzi shem ra on Rav Nosson Nota. Soon afterwards, he was exposed for fraud, and went to prison for many years!
- Every Rosh Hashanah, many hundreds of people visit Rav Nosson Nota's home, to get rid of their aveiros!
- Rav Nosson Nota is also known for solving fears of sheidim, and is able to remove them from existence. He also offers bleigeissen (lead pouring) kits for removing ayin hora, that you can do in your own home, for just $7.99 plus shipping, taking no money himself - enabling people to do bleigeissen for just a fraction of the price charged by others!
- Unlike certain other "holy" rebbes, Rav Nosson Nota has never been to prison, and nor have any of his lackeys ever tried to set fire to dissidents or been praised for such things!
Opportunities are available to schedule an appointment with Rav Nosson Nota. Those who support his mosdos will receive a copy of Rav Nosson Nota's sefer on Perek Shirah, the powerful segulos of which are well known. They will also receive brachos whose worth cannot be expressed in financial terms! 

I wonder - if this advertisement were to appear in the Five Towns Jewish Times, could I raise a lot more money for the Biblical Museum of Natural History than with my usual methods?

37 comments:

  1. I smell a scam. There's a cheaper bleigiessen set available for $5.99!

    http://www.amazon.com/Interpret-Your-Fortune-Year-Yourself/dp/B00GVM2V12/ref=sr_1_1?s=toys-and-games&ie=UTF8&qid=1452380070&sr=1-1&keywords=bleigiessen

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. But that cheaper version doesn't have the "seal of Kabbalah" like the $7.99 one. (as per the "holy silver knife" posting here before Rosh HaShanah)

      Delete
  2. This is unbecoming. Bitter much?

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  3. Short answer: no, but if this advertisement were to appear in Borough Park it just might.

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  4. Didn't the Rebbe help a woman who had been childless for 25 years give birth?

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  5. Yes, publish it in Five Towns. I wouldn't advise publishing it in Boro Park, or Skver.

    But you did mention this hocus-pocus with the lead. I saw this written up more than once in Mishpacha, and wanted to pull out what's left of my hair. Of all the backwards, medieval ideas, this ne takes the gold medal. Why not chicken entrails?

    A lot of chassidus is very good, and it does serve as a hard core of emunah. but the price seems to be a suspension of belief.

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  6. I have long called you the Admor MeSlifka. What is new here?

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  7. The shame is that all of the craziness connected to this detracts from the real power of a simple beracha from a talmid hachamim, without all of the shenanigans.

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    Replies
    1. What power? Brachot come from God, and only God.

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    2. There is a concept of a bracha - mentioned in the gemara.

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    3. It is also mentioned in the Torah - may times! Birchot ha'avot, birchot Moshe, Birchat kohanim... the list goes on.

      Yes, of course, all brachot come from G-d, but He channels them through tzaddikim who follow, and therefore represent, His will; this helps us identify who "He" is. (See sefer Hachinuch on birchas kohanim).

      (There is also a concept of even birchat hedyot. I don't understand this one yet, but we I trust that for this - as for all genuine Torah concepts - there is an explanation).

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  8. >>> Unlike other "holy" rebbes, Rav Nosson Nota has never been to prison, and nor have any of his lackeys ever tried to set fire to dissidents or been praised for such things!
    <<<

    Now, _that's_ a real accomplishment! The rest -- anyone could claim them.

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  9. The hilarious part about it is that every word of the "ad" (even Rav Eliyashiv's "appraisal" of Rabbi Slifkin that "he could be one of the lamed vav tzaddikim!") is true--if you provide the proper context.

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  10. I love it! By all means run it. Those who get it will love it too, and maybe some who don't will be roped in...

    I thought the name sounded familiar- "Slifka" is the name of the Yale University Hillel House.

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  11. "One of the Slifka Rebbe's mentors"

    He looks like a traditional and distinguished Jew.

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    Replies
    1. The earlier version of the post this morning had Darwin's picture without the photoshopped shtreimel.

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  12. You'll regret it. After giving out Brachot for 72 hours non-stop - and the line is no shorter - you'll wish you'd never thought of this.

    Make sure to get a good Gabbai...

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  13. The Tashlich part isn't particularly rationalist.

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  14. Rebbe, the way your writings saved me and so many others from going OTD can truly rival the greatest of Hassidic legends. I am so looking forward to saving holy crumbs from your Five Towns tish. (LOL)

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    Replies
    1. If you saved any I'm willing to pay a large us of cash.

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  15. Unfortunately there is a certain amount of darkhe ha Emori (sorcery)making its way into Judaism;just listen to this person advocating necromancy!
    https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=iYhWQyCtfo4

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    Replies
    1. I don't agree that he is advocating practicing necromancy--this is admittedly an anti-Maimonidean position (as per Hilchos Avodah Zarah, 11:18), that these occult arts are actually effective, and can give partially true information, but the Torah nonetheless forbids them.

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  16. Does any one realize that Rebbe Nosson Note was thrown into the Kivshan Haesh, and emerges hurting but unscathed?

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    Replies
    1. Though some people would advance this post as evidence that I was indeed scathed.

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    2. I first read you books in the home of a Jerusalem mekubbal. I don't know if he'd bought them on purpose of just had them, but we both agreed that we felt great Yirat Shmayim and appreciation for Hazal in everything you wrote. Imagine my surprise and dismay when I discovered that not everyone shared my perceptions. But as for me, I thank you for a great service and job well done.

      Delete
  17. the beauty of pithy parables lies in their subtlety. While you point out some interesting, if debatable issues in this and the previous blog, you do so with a sledge-hammer, thereby losing the desired effect. My point is,
    A camel is "a horse designed by a committee"......would have sufficed.

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  18. Eh, you guys do realize the "Rebbe" in the pic is none other than Darwin, right?

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  19. No way you're right that is Darwin! Nice job photoshopping the shtreimel, I did not recognize him!!! I'm embarrassed by how long it took me to figure out what this whole thing was. Like, until the last line. But very funny once I got it. The scary part is how realistic this is.

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    Replies
    1. Don't feel embarrassed--it's probably because of Rabbi Slifkin's wry, British sense of humour. It takes a while for us Americans to get it.

      Another humorous post of his was about how "the Lord" spoke to him on the beach in L.A. It wasn't until I read the comments that I realized that "the Lord" that he was referring to was Rabbi Lord Jonathan Sacks!

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  20. The Chofetza Chaim would not be proud. However, it is only a segulah for long life, so you rationalists do not think showing respect for others is a halacha.

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  21. "Nosson Nota's seforim . . . have tremendously significant impact"

    Completely vacuous statement.

    RM

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    Replies
    1. Ummm... You understand that the post is humorous? And that to make all the statements come out to be true, that some of them have multiple possible meanings...

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  22. Fred January 12, 2016 at 5:21 PM
    The Chofetza Chaim would not be proud. However, it is only a segulah for long life, so you rationalists do not think showing respect for others is a halacha.


    @Fred: If you want to nitpick the halacha, then attacking a group of Jews (rationalists) based on one person's post is probably not ideal.

    But more fundamentally, there have been some strongly worded posts here that some could take issue with. This one is pure humor that insults no one (except for the very elliptical mention of well-known criminal activity about someone who made personal attacks and can be discredited by the attackee).

    whitey kJanuary 12, 2016 at 12:11 AM
    the beauty of pithy parables lies in their subtlety. While you point out some interesting, if debatable issues in this and the previous blog, you do so with a sledge-hammer, thereby losing the desired effect. My point is,
    A camel is "a horse designed by a committee"......would have sufficed.


    Subtlety is in the eye of the beholder, but this post is pretty good on that count.

    ReplyDelete

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