Sunday, July 28, 2013

Incoming!

I'm currently in Cape Town, South Africa, and I wanted to catch up on some things from last week. When I encountered the semi-tame hyena and elephants in a special facility, there was also another animal that I encountered: a five hundred pound lion.


Note that I am holding a short stick. This was to fend him off in case he attacked me. Seriously. As the animal handler told me, there's no such thing as a tame lion.

I'll write more about this extraordinary experience and post more pictures/ video on another occasion. Meanwhile, I thought that it would be fun to have a contest. Please suggest what you think would be amusing to portray the lion as thinking when he approached me:


My own idea, based on a famous statement by Reuven Schmeltzer, is "I'm a shaliach from Rav Moshe Shapiro, being lochem milchemes Hashem!" But perhaps you can come up with something funnier.

43 comments:

  1. "Yes! Free lunch!"

    Your statement is good too :)

    ReplyDelete
  2. "Yea I'd love to, but I heard he lost his hechsher".

    ReplyDelete
  3. Lion: "Shalom rabbi Slifkin. I'm the cowardly lion. I was told you were full of wisdom. But if you please, it's courage that I need."

    ReplyDelete
  4. pretty good. hard to beat.

    hopefully not a gilgal of this lion http://www.chabad.org/library/bible_cdo/aid/15897

    ReplyDelete
  5. Hmmm, wash for bread or just make a shehekol?

    ReplyDelete
  6. "Baruch atah Hashem ... shehakol niyheh bidvaro!"

    ReplyDelete
  7. Yeah, I think he's kosher but only for those lions with a mesorah....

    ReplyDelete
  8. Looks delicious, but the mashgiach said he's treif.

    ReplyDelete
  9. "Hmmm; a little on the scrawny side, but comes with a toothpick."

    ReplyDelete
  10. "R' Slifkin shall go out as a mighty man, he shall arouse zeal, he shall cry, even roar; he shall prevail over his enemies."

    ReplyDelete
  11. Psalms 111: טֶרֶף, נָתַן לִירֵאָיו
    Caption: טֶרֶף נָתַן, לִירֵאָיו

    ReplyDelete

  12. .שהכל נהיה בדברו....‏

    ReplyDelete
  13. This reminds me of a joke about two Jews, Chaim and Yankel who were out camping in the jungle.

    Chaim notices a lion approaching from a distance and alerts his friend telling him we'd better get out of here fast!

    Yankel takes out his backpack, gets out his running shoes and proceeds to start putting them on.

    Chaim looks at him like his crazy and asks, Yankel, do you really think you'll be able to outrun that lion??

    Yankel responds, I don't need to outrun the lion. All I have to do is run faster than you!

    ReplyDelete
  14. "Mr. Slifkin, is it? Yes, I read your 'Kollel Guys vs. Lions' post about how the lionesses do all the hunting, and we males are a bunch of lazy bums. Fascinating! How about you and I do a little field work to test that hypothesis?"

    "WAIT!! But you didn't read my followup post! 'Providence and Lion Attaaaa..." (Crunch.)

    ReplyDelete
  15. No heksher from the Badatz? Forget it. Or maybe this time, I'll make an exception and be someich on the rabbinate.

    ReplyDelete
  16. If he says another word about hyrex, I'll show him...

    ReplyDelete
  17. What exactly does he think he's going to do with that small stick?

    ReplyDelete
  18. Yes! Rational Jews taste much better than Chareidim!

    ReplyDelete
  19. now seriously who do you really think has a cooler beard???

    ReplyDelete
  20. Are you the one who's been spreading rumors that male lions don't kill their own prey???

    ReplyDelete
  21. He must be a chareidi he thinks z'chus haTorah will protect him

    ReplyDelete
  22. moshe says
    So youre preparing for Goliath with your sticks. 'gam es h'ari' etc.
    I will show you.

    ReplyDelete
  23. "I know this approach seems extreme, but hey, whatever it takes to remind him of the existence of the Frum Kiruv Mane-iac."

    ReplyDelete
  24. Don't worry. According to the Maharal I'm just an allegory!

    Lawrence Kaplan

    ReplyDelete
  25. I heard you needed pshat in Nachum 2:13. Here I am.

    ReplyDelete
  26. Rats, I wish I hadn't just had that cheddar cheese!

    ReplyDelete
  27. "That locust was my BROTHER!"
    Or
    "The lion will lie down with the... Lamb? No. Kid? No. Wallaby? Ah, forget it, I'm hungry!"

    ReplyDelete
  28. Sorry to break up the banter of the various comments here, but: if lions aren't really ever tame, how do they manage to "tame" a circus lion to allow the trainer to put his head inside the lion's mouth? What keeps the lion from just attacking the circus performers?

    ReplyDelete
  29. "Hah! Va'asa chutra, v'heeka l'chalba, d'noshach l'shunra..." Wait 'til he finds out that the I'm the 'shunra's' cousin! Chad Gadya! Chad Gadya!"

    ReplyDelete
  30. I told the shadchan that I am a k'fir (young lion) looking for a k'firah, but this is not what I had in mind!!

    ReplyDelete
  31. "He is lucky that I am shomer shobbat!"

    ReplyDelete
  32. Mmm, lunch! I just hope he's not holding a short stick...

    ReplyDelete
  33. Sighing deeply...why can't I ever get a nice salad?

    MBM

    ReplyDelete
  34. Is he a kezayis, or do I need to eat two of them to make a beracha achrona?

    ReplyDelete
  35. Yeah, we'll see who's gonna be smiling in a minute mr. big shot tough guy zoo rabbi

    KT
    Joel RIch

    ReplyDelete
  36. Moshe says
    Is he really traifoh to be also suitable for a lion? Or only traifoh enough for a dog's dinner.

    ReplyDelete
  37. "I told the shadchan that I am a k'fir (young lion) looking for a k'firah, but this is not what I had in mind!!"

    It so happens that I know a (religious Jewish) woman named Kefirah. Named after the lion, of course.

    ReplyDelete
  38. Chaim Stan -

    Is he really 500lbs? He doesn't look a pound over 499.

    ReplyDelete
  39. "I sure hope that's not a mafgiah." (see Shabbos 77b)

    ReplyDelete

Comments for this blog are moderated. Please see this post about the comments policy for details. ANONYMOUS COMMENTS WILL NOT BE POSTED - please use either your real name or a pseudonym.